I Hate December 5th
December 5th, 2011 @ 10:05 pm


Lights of Life 2011
Lights of Life 2011 by peachy92

My mother died 6 years ago today. Since that day, I have hated this date. I wish she was still here with us. I wish I could go and talk to her when I feel stressed, alone, and sad.

Today, while during a break at work, it took all I could not to lose it. I just started about thinking about being lonely later in life and it scared me.

I watched How I Met Your Mother tonight. I could relate to Robin’s sadness of finding out she can’t have kids.  I don’t know if I can have kids or not, but I’m single and at this point in my life, fear I am always going to be.  It just added to my fear earlier in the day of being alone.

I tried not let my fear and sadness get to me all day.  After work, Nicki and I went to Life University to see the Lights of Life. My mother would take us out to see Christmas lights.  I try to do something on this date to NOT make me totally sad.  I also had a sweet pastry today that my mother and I enjoy.  It’s something I don’t get all the time, if at all any more.

I guess it’s better to get it out today than on my birthday later this week.  And this date isn’t a bad day after all. A positive influence in my life was born on this day.  He told me one day that he believe I will not be alone forever. 🙂

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