I May Be a Small Person.
January 31st, 2017 @ 5:25 pm


I’m not a celebrity. I’m not a mother. I’m not a wife. I’m not someone’s beloved. If you think about of it all, I’m nothing more than a quark in the universe. I see the Pale Blue Dot photo in my eyes as I type that line. Some days, there are days where I feel like my picture is next to the definition of loser.

But, I do have feelings and I have my values.

Sunday, a day I worked hard to make a good day, got away from me. I am not going into specifics. If you know, you know. If you don’t, you don’t need to know the full details. However, I got called “sanctimonious” by my favorite artist. Well, guess what, he’s NOT my favorite artist anymore.

You see, he doesn’t know where my comment came from. If he saw the image in my head as I typed it or knew where my comment was coming from, he’d understand why I made that comment. I was already depressed at that moment. I had driven home, crying, feeling worthless as it is. On my way home, I had even contemplated what it would be like to drown myself in a big bottle of booze. Just because I refuse to drink doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. There are days I just want to escape my pain.

If he wants to be a jerk and assume I’m “sanctimonious,” than by damn, I’ll be “sanctimonious.” I don’t need to be treated that way by ANYONE. I don’t care if you have 1¢ or $10 million. Jerks come in all shapes, sizes, and with varying degrees of money in their pockets. Believe me, after that little exchange, I told him off on Twitter, and blocked him on all the social platforms I had been following him on. Seems he likes to fight back and I don’t need that negativity in my life.

The word in question wasn’t directed towards him. It was directed towards all those people that should know better about alcohol and still become drunks. It was directed to the one person that was in my mind as I wrote it. I was angry at the person the word was directed towards.

I don’t want to see ANYONE die the way my cousin died. The picture I saw of her last living moments should never be happening to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone turn into the idiot one of my uncles ended up being. I don’t want others to die like my grandparents did. I don’t drink and I don’t smoke because I don’t want to be that way. And frankly, I don’t want to be belittled because I choose not to partake in those vices.

I think losing interest in him has been a long time coming. It’s sad to say it. You grow up idolizing someone because they seem to have the values you felt lacked in this world. Yet, as time age, you change. They change. Some for the good; some for the bad. And then slowly, you realize that somewhere, someone has a façade. Is it you? Is it them? I feel there is no true answer to that.

However, after this incident, he not only lost me as a fan, but I know of several other fans appalled by the comment. My family even called him out on it; he replied to them and considered their answers a joke.  At this point, the only joke is him. I know several other fans were turned off by the original quote. Other previously from earlier behavior and interactions on Twitter. These fans are my friends, that seem to be the only good from being involved in the community at this point.

Life

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