The Soul Friend
September 7th, 2015 @ 10:10 pm

Find A Soul Friend

A soul friend is someone with whom we can share our greatest joys and deepest fears, confess our worst sins, and most persistent faults, clarify our highest hopes and perhaps most unarticulate dreams.

-Edward C. Sellner in Wisdom of the Celtic Saints.

GWSM Retreat 2006 journalNot all of my past was bad.  In fact, I had a lot of good stuff to enjoy growing up.  What I lacked in friendship and companionship later in life, I had supplemented by my family, especially my mother.

She allowed me to do things.  She encouraged me to do Girl Scouting, until I got to high school and it wasn’t worth the hassle, at least in my eyes. Sadly, if I had know my friend Tiffany, that I met in the later end of high school and spent some time with her at our Georgia Tech orientation, earlier when I moved to Savannah, I might not have stop doing Scouts.  The same if I had just known Adine from home room better. However, the anxiety and fear I suffered in high school was bad.  But, enough about that.  Over all, my mother encouraged me and had me do a lot of stuff.  From camping, traveling, and going to summer camp, my mother pushed me.

But, like they said on Battlestate Galactica once, “True, but parents have to die. It’s the only way children can come into their own.” This is an ugly truth I came to know after my mother died.

One of the first things I did after she died was attend the GWSM Retreat 2006.  I participated in my school’s Wesley Foundation.  Each year, we’d have a retreat to either St. Simons Island or Dahlonega, to one of the Methodist Church camps.  It would rotate each year.  2006 was in Dahlonega.  We had a fun time.

This picture is of a a journal I made during the retreat.  It has been floating around my dad’s house, full of dirt and the ink on some of the pages have bled over. I found it today and brought it home. But looking over this journal, I see someone that was broken just trying to get by.

On one page, I had the quote above.  I guess I pasted it in the journal because all I wanted was a soul friend for myself. My heart was broken.  Another page had a printout of my poem, Poem To The Lonely.

That’s not to say that it was all a book of loneliness.  I wrote the entire lyrics to “Dans un autre monde” as a kiss-off to someone. I made a collage representing me. I have a couple of sweet notes from Ashlee and Leslie, a few of my bunk mates from that trip.  I have a few tickets from play productions I saw in college.  Sadly, the ruined page is print out of my mother from a trip to the South Carolina Aquarium.  I still have that photo, so I can print it out later.

I’m glad I found it.  It’s given me some perspective on how far I’ve come.  Now, only if I could get some old hard drives to cooperate to allow me to access some old files of my mother’s. I only need them to work a few times.

Family · Life

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