“Welcome to Savannah”
Posted on November 29th, 2013 @ 9:31 am

This was an e-mail that floated years ago. It’s still funny.

A guide to Savannah, Georgia (pronounced Suh-van-uhh).

Savannah is comprised mostly of one way streets. The only way to get out of Savannah is to turn around and start over when you reach I-16 .

All directions start with “Go down Abercorn” .

Savannahians do not believe in turn signals. You will never see a native signal at a stop light, to change lanes or to merge. NEVER!

Savannah is home of International Paper. That’s all we make here, so don’t even dare ask for plastic at the grocery store…unless it’s made by International Paper. And even then it’s still paper.

Savannahians only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask for directions they will always send you down Abercorn Street.

It’s impossible to go around a city square and wind up on the same street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a “scenic drive” and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don’t feel lost…they are just on a scenic drive.

The 8 am rush hour is from 6:30 am to 10:30 am. The 5:00 rush hour is from 3:30 pm to 7:30 pm. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning and lasts through 2 am on Saturday.

One way lanes are not understood by anybody…especially those of us who live here. STAY OUT OF THEM UNLESS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A HEAD-ON COLLISION!

In downtown Savannah “SIR” and “MA’AM” are used by the person speaking to you if there is the remote possibility that you are at least 30 minutes older than they are. In the suburbs “SUGAR” is a more common form of address than “MISS” or “SWEETPEA”.

You will always be called “Honey” by the Carey Hilliard waitresses in Savannah.

Remember, everything is Sweet Tea, there is no such thing as Ice Tea. Also, everything is Coke, whoever heard of soda?

If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it’s on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper and beer if there is a remote chance of snow. If it does snow, people will be on the corner selling “I survived the Savannah Blizzard” tee shirts.

If you are standing on the corner and a CAT bus stops, you’re expected to get on and go somewhere.

There is always a traffic jam on Waters Avenue.

Waters Avenue is the only street to have three names, Waters Avenue, Whitfield Avenue and Diamond Causeway.

Savannah’s traffic is the friendliest around. People are always blowing their horns.

Construction on the Truman parkway is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment. Construction crews are not doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.

Savannahians are very proud of their own race track, known as Abercorn Expressway. It runs halfway through the city and even has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 75 just to keep from getting run over).

Abercorn is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on Abercorn, because the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized SUV weilding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon or tennis match to meet their children at the school bus coming home from their college prep preschool.

Need to repent or need money? Don’t worry…you can do both. Savannah has a church and bank on every corner of the city. (And/or a Pawn Your Title Shop!)

The city loves pests. They have the Rugrats soccer team, Sandgnats baseball team and the SCAD Bees.

The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy which starts at 20. Savannah is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range.

All roads, vehicles and houses are yellowed from March 28th to July 15th. If you have allergies you will surely die here.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Savannah!!

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Happy Thanksgiving!
Posted on November 27th, 2013 @ 9:30 pm

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

And a Happy Hanukkah, too.

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Holiday Greetings

Cumberland/Galleria and the Braves
Posted on November 12th, 2013 @ 8:30 am

At first, I thought it was a joke.  I noticed Cobb County was trending on Twitter yesterday.  I went to review the Cobb County tweets and saw that the Braves were moving to Cobb County.  It just wasn’t any part of Cobb County.  It was at I-75 at I-285.  That threw me for a loop.

In my time living in Atlanta, Cumberland/Galleria, as the area is known, is where I worked and lived.  Both locations were just barely in the I-285 loop, but Cumberland/Galleria straddles that loop.  I lived east of I-75, but worked west of I-75.

And then, to read exactly where they plan to build the new stadium, I was flabbergasted.  I’m just trying to figure out how they are going to build on that piece of land.  The corner they plan to build at, Windy Ridge Pkwy and Circle 75 Pkwy, is one I drove by constantly.  In fact, Windy Ridge and Circle 75 were my preferred roads to use between my apartment and Smyrna/Marietta to places like Best Buy, Popeye’s, and Target, to name a few.  Places I would go shopping.  In the time my sister and father lived with me, they used the roads, too.  These roads were a lot easier to use than getting on Windy Hill Rd and Cobb Pkwy.

So, even though I don’t live in Cobb County, I’m torn.  I think the part that I worry about is the traffic.  The traffic in that area is horrible as is.  I would use any back road I could use to avoid I-75 or I-285 in “traffic hour.”  My employer’s office is in that area.  If I have to go up there for work again, how will the traffic be to get from work to the Braves?  Will it be worse?  And what about the back roads that are not Windy Ridge Pkwy and Circle 75 Pkwy?  Will traffic increase on them?

Well, I guess this news mean I won’t be able to get a condo in the area like I have planned if I won the lottery.  I really do love the Cumberland/Galleria district.  This move may make trips to the office a lot more pleasant. My co-workers all know I love baseball and combined my 2 office trips with a trip to see the Braves in action.

I haven’t seen it yet in any news report, but I wonder if the Cumberland Community Improvement District (CCID) played a role into the Braves moving to this specific location. The new ballpark will fall in this district.  It’s a self-controlled area in terms of some of the tax money.  They put the money back into the community.  Based on what about the Braves not being able to get Atlanta to re-invest some money back in to the community, I can see the CCID being a enticing factor for them.  That little bit of extra tax money paid to CCID would have to be reinvested into the area.

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Atlanta · Baseball

“I am a hostage to my own humanity”
Posted on November 5th, 2013 @ 7:20 pm

The Glorious Unfolding Tour

Anyone that has known me for a while knows I suffer from depression and low self esteem.

I had another one of those nights last night.  I just bawled into my towel in my bathroom.

After listening to some contemporary Christian music on my computer, I felt better.  Sure, that wrong message from my mortgage company telling me my house note was twice as much this month wiped it out this morning, but at the end of the day and reaching out to some friends, I feel better.

I’m not fully into CCM, but there are a few songs I’ve heard that I do like.  I figured why I like them.  It’s the vulnerability in them. It’s a feeling I can relate to. It’s the seeking of comfort.  When I listen to them, I know I’m not alone in my fears and thoughts.

Over the weekend, I went to South Carolina.  My dear friend, Lindsey, her husband, and I went to see Steven Curtis Chapman in concert again.  Columbia was as close as we was getting to us in South Georgia for this tour. I took a quick look around the University of South Carolina campus before the show.  We had a later dinner at Waffle House (thank you Lord for those!), and the next morning, had breakfast at our hotel and shopped at Hobby Lobby.  I wish we had one in Savannah.  The closest Hobby Lobby is in Statesboro.  I joke with Lindsey we’ll have to plan a trip to the Statesboro store. After our shopping, we went on our way.

It just felt so nice to be around them again, even if we live in different towns. They are such a blessing to have.

I went on eastern South Carolina to tour a town with my last name. After that, I went to South of the Border, a fun, wacky tourist trap just south of the North Carolina border. I want to go back there again, but next time with someone else.

It was a small vacation, but a much needed vacation. With all the chaos in my life right now, an escape was needed.

As for the mortgage company note from this morning, they sent an e-mail follow-up saying the original message was incorrect.  It really put me in a panic.



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Flickr Photos · Life · Music · Travel

Unconscious Mutterings: Week 562
Posted on November 4th, 2013 @ 6:56 pm

Unconscious Mutterings:

  1. Partner :: Something I fear I’ll never have at times.
  2. Villain :: Jay Carney
  3. Signature :: At the X
  4. Homespun :: Tales
  5. Ultimate :: Crime Fighter
  6. Don’t! :: Pee on my leg and tell me that it’s raining.
  7. Musical :: Chairs
  8. Candor :: Whiff
  9. Terrified :: Sound
  10. Virus :: Dr. Mario

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