Looking Back At 14
Posted on June 22nd, 2016 @ 7:09 pm

I was thinking of you just the other day
Then I heard the news today
That you had gone another way

You were never mine for the start
Yet you earned a placed in my heart
And I feel I have to say

You made me a little stronger
Made me feel good a little longer
Your smile was just enough to cheer me up

Thank you for everything

Now I hope your life is full of bliss
Not a moment you want to miss
Remember to cherish it all

I know we went our separate ways
But I remember all the days
Like it was just last fall

One day we may meet again
Remember good times and grin
But until then let me just say

Thank you for everything

–S.A.L March 22, 1999.

Writer’s note:
This poem I wrote right after I heard about 2 friends that I lost contact with after moving to away from the city we lived in were now married. No, they did not marry each other because as far as I know they didn’t know each other. But trust me, they’re not a couple. Anyway, I remember all the good times I had with them and I hope that they have all the best with their spouses and families. At the same time, I feel like an old maid hearing about their marriages but I know in my heart I will find Mr. NotPerfectButHe’sGreatForMe soon. By the way, this poem may sound more like it is towards a guy but that the way the poem flowed out of my brain. I can’t help how it goes!

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Poetry and Prose

Posted on June 19th, 2016 @ 7:52 pm

This isn’t love
Only sexual chemistry

It’s only lust
Wanting you caressing me.

I’m not being rational
It’s only something natural

The inner forces in me.
My evil mind

My evil dreams
They just somehow

Know how to destroy me.
Showing me to something

I should not want,
I should not need.

What it is about you
That’s captured my wild side?

I’ll do anything for you, my master.
Your wish is my command.

Damn, now stop it.
I’m a sensible girl

Who turns to mush
At a scant of your sound.

You’re an evil thing, you know that.
And that evil is possessing me.

I need to learn I deserve better
But until that day I’ll play your wicked game.

©1998-2002 S.A.L.

Writer’s note:
This started out as another song lyric I wrote. I found it after my computer crash and decided to finish it out as a poem. It’s not really about anyone.

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Poetry and Prose

My Haunting
Posted on June 19th, 2016 @ 7:50 pm

Why do I let you haunt me?
You’re a small figure from the past.
I can not say I truly loved you.
I never knew you that well.

I thought I got over you.
I should have gotten over you
Yet after all this time,
You’re still there.

I wonder what happened to you.
Are you single?
Are you married?
Do you still remember me?

I can still see you face.
I still remember you smile.
I hear your voice still.
What’s the hell wrong with me?

You’re somewhere I’ll never get know,
I’ll never get to see.
Why why why?
Why must I still let you haunt me?

I know I’ll let you go soon.
Like I thought I did before.
I’ll find the man that was meant for me.
‘Till that happens, I’ll never be free.

© S.A.L. 11/8/01- On 11/6/01, I had a blast into the past. This client’s last name was the same as the first name of this kid I had a crush on in high school. Admit his name? Never! The name of the street she lives on was the same as his middle name. Well, the past few days, he’s been haunting my mind. I wrote this as a way to cope, I guess.

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Poetry and Prose

Posted on June 19th, 2016 @ 7:46 pm

I’m mourning for something
And I don’t know what.
This wave of melancholy has with a brute force,
Like a wave crashing onto the shore.

I wish I knew what I’m mourning for.
Nothing dramatic has happened to me.
I should be happy.
My old friends are appearing again.

Why must this mourning be happening?
Is it the influx of memories from my past?
Is it the realization that I may be stuck here?
I only wish I knew the answer.

Could it be the gloomy weather outside?
I honestly don’t know what it could be.
It’s just one of those pure mysteries;
A mystery engulfing me.

The only thing I know I’ll get out of this
Mourning I shouldn’t really be in
Is a little bit of hope.
Hope that get me through the high tides and low tides.

©2001 S.A.L.

Writer’s note:
I’ve been in a melancholy mood all this week (Week of 1-7-01). I can’t explain it. This is my way of trying to understand why.

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Poetry and Prose

Wilted Flower
Posted on March 28th, 2011 @ 7:38 pm

How did you let yourself get this way?
Being controlled by the petty things the world says.
You’re too afraid to climb.
You’re too afraid to fall.
Your greatest wish is to just sometimes disappear.
So no one can see the failure you’ve become.

People tell you not to let the small stuff get in the way.
It’s all small stuff some say.
Well if it’s all small and not important,
Then how come it’s running you into the ground?
You feel like a failure.
At what? Total Life.

You never feel attractive enough.
You never feel smart enough.
You feel as if you’ll never find love
Or hell yet, a friend.
Damn you my heart!
You must you let me be this way?

I just want to succeed, what ever that means.
Is it so wrong to want to be wanted and needed?
But too afraid to try for fear you’ll fail.
You’ve seen it all before.
Too many hearts and dreams being broken.
Life is just cruel.

Maybe one day life will be ok.
Maybe one day everything is worth the wait.
But sometimes you feel it’s too late.
The damage is done.
You never lived to other people’s expectations and dreams.
A wilted flower is all you’ll ever be.

Writer’s note:
Sometimes I just get into these moods and I starting yelling at myself for being what I am. Some days I just feel like a failure. Not only to myself but to other people, too. I know I’m probably not but I just have images implanted into my head saying other wise.

©1998-2011 S.A.L.

3/28/11 – I’ve been meaning to get my old poetry/prose pieces back up for a while. I found this one and decided to repost it. Many years ago, someone asked if they could use it as the lyrics of a song. I don’t know how that worked out. I wrote this piece when I was a depressed 19-year-old kid. I still feel these emotions some days, but they aren’t as bad and intense as they were as an insecure 19-year-old kid.

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Poetry and Prose

Poem To The Lonely
Posted on September 14th, 2009 @ 8:59 pm

Cry and let it all out.
Know you aren’t alone.
While maybe I’m not feeling it at this moment,
I, too, at times feel lonely.
Some days I can take it.
Others I can not.
I question my existence.
I question “the master plan.”
I feel I will be alone forever.
I’m envious of those that have it all
And wonder do they know and cherish what they have.
I have fears of love, too.
I fear that once I have it, I may not be able to hold it.
I fear I won’t appreciate it.
I try to stay optimistic about life.
And for the most part I am.
Yet, I still have to question the emotion of love.
Is it an illusion?
Is it true?
Why does my heart ache?
Then I stop and think and realize I’m not alone.
There are others out there that feel the same.
The world is big.
Maybe one day I won’t be alone.
Honestly, to God, I hope.
However, I’m sure another person is feeling my emotions.
I just want to tell them they aren’t alone.
Keep hope and thankfully the “master plan” will reward you.
I know I do.

©2003-2009 S.A.L.

Writer’s note:

11/26/03 – Honestly written when I’m feeling down. I think I understand the source of my little depression for today. Today would be my grandmother’s 80th birthday. Depression is a funny thing. You’ll be blue over one thing and spend your time and effort crying over something else. Plus, it doesn’t help listening to Céline Dion sing about the wonders of love when you are depressed.

9/14/09 – Reposting one of my most popular pieces ever on my site.  I find it to be a universal feeling.

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Poetry and Prose

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